Time ....

It's been eighteen months and fourteen days since he's been gone. Most days I seem to remember that he won't be at the other end of the phone when I call. Most days I can recollect the fact that my life is a little darker, a little more lonely.

But then comes something, catching me off-guard, and I pick up the phone to punch in his digits - only to realize he's been gone so long I no longer remember the number. The number I would call almost every night, with one thing on my mind:  'Read me...' and his voice would wash over me, and I would fall into the spell of Mr. DeWitt. Never made it far - and it didn't matter. I wasn't alone.

It's those moments, when I reach for the phone only to be brutally reminded that he is no longer there - those moments when loneliness hits. Actually that's probably not a good choice of words. Loneliness doesn't 'hit' at those moments. It plows over me, as if I'm but asphalt that some huge behemoth of a machine is pounding into nothing, preparing to erase all the dents and damages life has seen be writ upon it, until nothing is left but a clean slate with no memory of anything that came before.

I don't want to forget ... but it's hell to remember. I feel like Charlie Brown lamenting about the little red-haired girl, and suddenly I'm writing country music!

Time erases everything ... the good and the bad. I'm learning that the hard way.

So I'm doing my best to beat Time at its own game, taking my own trips down memory lane to celebrate light and love, remember joy and laughter. My thinking is this:  if I can eradicate the negative memories, thereby leaving more room for happiness and delight, won't that somewhat stave off Time? 

Perhaps yes, perhaps no. Either way, my memories will be positive, bringing positive light to my now, casting a warm glow ahead to my 'next'.

Time ... may your tomorrows be colored with the light and warmth from your yesterdays ....